New Age Outlaws def. Cody Rhodes & Goldust, winning the Tag Team Championships:
WHAT I LIKED:
- "Suck it!" Kinda hard for Billy Gunn to mess that up, and yet I fear he will. Every. Single. Time. But Road Dogg is the same as always. Hasn't lost a step. Not verbally anyway. If they could just wheel him out to start every PPV with his sililoquy, it would get me pretty pumped up.
WHAT I HATED:
- My initial reaction (knee-jerk reaction, perhaps?) was to be aghast at the thought of WWE having their top tag team in the pre-show match. But then I looked at the other side of the card and realized who their opponents are. The New Age Outlaws are one of the best tag teams of all time, but in their advanced ages, they're not going to be able to pull off the type of tag team matches that we've been used to seeing over the past year. I LOVE 'em to death, but Road Dogg and Billy Gunn passed their primes a long time ago. This match does deserve to be in the pre-show. Besides, we already know both Rhodes and Goldust will be in the Royal Rumble and that's where they are really going to shine.
- The announcers keep making references to Billy Gunn not aging over the years. I admit that he looks good for his age, but try telling that to his hairline.
REACTION:
Dafuq? I was busy writing a joke about Billy's hairline and next thing you know, the number three was counted. And somehow, someway, the New Age Outlaws are Tag Team Champs for the sixth time. I figured Rhodes & Goldust would lose the Tag Titles at some point before Wrestlemania, but not now. Not against the New Age Outlaws. No disrespect to Billy Gunn and Road Dogg, but my initial reaction is to balk at this. The Tag Team Titles that have been so important over the past year deserve better than to switch hands in a preshow match. Cody & Goldust deserve better than to lose their hard-fought and oft-defended titles to a couple of relics left over from the Attitude Era. But then again, half of their team fits that mold as well. I can't imagine they'll be in a good mood come the Royal Rumble later tonight. I smell a heel turn coming for one of them. Maybe not tonight, but soon.
Bray Wyatt def. Daniel Bryan:
WHAT I LIKED:
- LOVE the LOUD 'Yes!' chants from the Pittsburgh crowd. It's a great sign of a very exciting night to come.
- My only criticism of Bray Wyatt since debuting on the main roster is that he doesn't wrestle enough, opting to hide behind his underlings for too often. But I know that's no doing of Bray's. That's how WWE always books their heel stable leaders... as cowards. Naturally, I'm happy to see that Bray will be wrestling in this match, but I was disappointed to see Luke Harper & Erick Rowan walk down to the ring with him. - I don't think I've ever been more satisfied to see someone get removed from ringside. I really want to watch this match happen without outside interference.
WHAT I HATED:
- WWE isn't booking Daniel Bryan for the Royal Rumble match, and even Daniel Bryan has made a statement about not being in the Royal Rumble. But I'm buying it. WWE knows better than to leave one of the most popular, most talented and most marketable superstars out of the biggest match of the year.
- The above goes for Bray Wyatt as well, but not with as much inference. I want to see Bray in the Royal Rumble, too. But since he's no threat to win, there's no reason to have him eliminated for nothing. In the years to come, however, definitely.
REACTION:
I was thoroughly impressed with Bray Wyatt in this match. This was the most offense I've seen out him since his days at NXT. It's what I've been begging for. Hell, I was thoroughly impressed with everything in this match. The best call was to remove The Wyatt Family from ringside because it allowed this match to be absolutely amazing. It made Bray Wyatt look even stronger, being able to defeat Daniel Bryan on his own. This makes two straight matches that I predicted totally wrong. And this ending casts serious doubts on Daniel Bryan's participation in the Royal Rumble later tonight. Good thing I gave two superstars equal odds to win that. And I'm still probably wrong. But back to this match. This is certainly going to be a MOTN contender. Even my undying LOVE for the Royal Rumble match might not be able to knock it off it's post. I LOVED this match. It was freakin' awesome. Bray Wyatt defeats Daniel Bryan cleanly. And I LIKE it? Who woulda thunk it? Wow.
Brock Lesnar def. Big Show:
WHAT I LIKED:
- This night has been so unpredictable thus far, I'm starting to seriously doubt my proclamation that Big Show will be served up to Brock Lesnar in this match. I don't know what to think anymore, but I'm pretty sure I'm right about this.
WHAT I HATED:
- BIG HOSS FIGHT! Vince's panties will be wet during this match. What I don't understand is why this match doesn't have a stipulation. I know Brock Lesnar is capable of putting on an exciting match, even a simple singles match. But Big Show can't. He's going to be winded five minutes into the match and I'm probably being generous there. Lesnar will have to be on offense for the majority of the match or there will be a lot of breaks. He'll still be able to hit some big spots, but that's about it.
- Okay, so that's how they're going to skirt the 'no stipulation' plot-hole I pointed out above. By having Lesnar attack Big Show 'before the bell rings.' I've always HATED that device. It's so stupid. If an attack happens before the match is official, isn't it technically an assault? And the referee is just standing there waving his hands saying, "Hey! Hey, you. Don't you do that. Don't hit him with that chair. Don't hit him again. Don't you do it a third time." It's ridiculous. And then when they do 'start' the match and ring the bell, one of the competitors is less than 100 percent. Doesn't make for a strong match. But in this case, Big Show was never on Brock's level to begin with.
REACTION:
So, Big Show wasn't just served up to Brock Lesnar. But it was a decisive win by Brock Lesnar. One that he, you nor I should be proud of. That was a disaster of a match and I knew it would be. Big Show has no stamina. No endurance. He's only good for his size and his right hand. His only use today is to put people over by having them defeat a giant. That's the purpose he served today. The post-match beatdown having Lesnar hit Big Show with a few steel chairs was ill-received as well. Chair shots aren't the same anymore. They should've had him put Big Show through the announce table if they really wanted the effect. Kind of a buzzkill after the excitement that started the show.
Randy Orton def. John Cena, retaining the WWE World Heavyweight Championship:
WHAT I LIKED:
- I don't believe in any deities, but I'm thankful to the wrestling gods that this match didn't close the show. The Royal Rumble match should always close the Royal Rumble PPV. They pissed me off royally (see what I did there?) when they closed the show with the WWE Championship match last year.
- The ironic thing is that they may should have booked this match last given how deflated the mood was in the arena after the egg was laid in the previous match. The Royal Rumble would have brought back the euphoria that existed before. And personally, I don't want the loser of this match to enter the Royal Rumble. Especially not if it's John Cena. Which is awkward because I also don't want John Cena to win this match.
WHAT I HATED:
- "The most important rematch in WWE history?" Really? Does anybody feel that way about this match? I don't. I heard more chatter online about the Brock Lesnar vs Big Show match than this rematch. WWE even skipped advancing this storyline on a couple of shows. There was a RAW that they missed altogether and there's been virtually no part of this storyline that occurred on Smackdown. How are we supposed to view this as important when WWE clearly doesn't?
- I defend the smark fans for the most part, but it was too much to start chanting "Daniel Bryan" before the match even started and "Boring" one minute into it. I'm as pessimistic about this match as the rest of you are, but you have to at least give it a chance.
- The ref bump. Yet another cliched WWE device that I abhor. WWE referees are so fragile. It's a glaring problem that WWE is doing nothing to solve.
- I thought the "This Is Awful" chant was bad enough, but you know the fans are revolting when they start chanting "We Want Divas." There's no coming back from that.
REACTION:
WWE has to take notice of the what the fans want eventually. It's no longer only happening in certain arenas with certain types of fans. The majority of the WWE Universe is turning against the hand-selected golden boys in John Cena and Randy Orton. Moreover, the fans are starting to enjoy the wrestling aspect of pro-wrestling more. I'm not saying they should abandon all hope with Cena and Orton, but they have to keep someone the fans actually want to see in the main-event. Unless, of course, they're satisfied with having these matches get derided the way they've been. I strongly doubt that. The Wyatt Family? I wonder why? I hope there's an actual story to what's going on and not just a get out of jail free card for Randy Orton. The good news is that due to the beatdown of John Cena, he most likely will not participate in the Royal Rumble. The bad news, if you don't mind Barrett, is that the Wyatt Family is on John Cena's hitlist now. They should be served up to him with a side of Wheaties post-haste. And right when Bray Wyatt makes his biggest impact to date. Bring on the Royal Rumble match. I'm so ready for it.
Batista wins the Royal Rumble:
WHAT I LIKED:
- CM Punk entering first is stroke of genius. WWE knows where their bread is buttered, even if it takes them some time to realize it. Punk entering at #1 sets the pace of the match from the get-go. Whomever is number two won't be able to lollygag. The same goes for numbers 3 - 30.
- I could have said the same thing about having Dolph Ziggler & Chris Jericho start the match last year. For all I know, I might've said that. I don't know. I'm just happy the Royal Rumble is finally here. The next hour or so will be the most exciting time I've had this year.
- I figured that someone from The Shield would be #2. Let me be clear, I figured either Seth Rollins or Dean Ambrose would be #2. WWE wouldn't dare waste Roman Reigns so early, knowing he doesn't have the fatigue factor that the
- Cody Rhodes has to have the worst luck at the lottery. Every year he enters the Royal Rumble in the low-to-middle numbers. It's really a testament to his youth and ability, but it kinda sucks for him too. The closest he's ever gotten to winning is when he was Randy Orton's Legacy lackey.
- Alexander Rusev!!! Oh, I totally called that. I mean, not in my Royal Rumble preview, but in the forum. If anyone from NXT was going to debut in the Rumble, it was going to be the BIG bruiser. But he's not just another BIG MAN, he's pretty good too. Me LIKEY. And I hope Lana is coming to the main roster with him. She's fucking hot.
- Uh-oh. It's Goldust at #10. My ears up like a dog sensing nearby danger. I wonder how it's going to play out between he and Cody Rhodes? And it's Goldust for the win. I don't like that they went with the 'accidental' elimination. I'd have rather it be on purpose, causing an intential rift between the brothers Rhodes, but I'll take it anyway I can get it.
- Dolph Ziggler at #12! Time for the show to be stolen. Kudos to Hacksaw Jim Duggan for picking him. As long Dolph he can keep Randy Orton's name out of mouth, he should be okay. I read those comments Ziggler made and I didn't think they were all that bad. He said what anyone should say. That he doesn't care who any superstar is, he thinks he's better than them and wouldn't back down. How is that punishable? In my mind, it's commendable.
- I called Kevin Nash as a surprise entrant in the forum, too. Actually, I called Diesel. But same difference, right? Not as big a pop, but not as big of a surprise either. careful. He might blow his knee out on the way to the ring.
- Good to see Sheamus back. Hopefully, he turns heel soon after this. They really don't need another SUPERFACE clogging up the main-event scene. I always LIKED him much better as a heel.
- Great to see Antonio Cesaro in the late numbers of the match. But I'm disappointed to just see him there for the Cesaro Swing. He should be careful swinging Seth Rollins, though. We know he has a weak bladder.
- I also made the pick of Roman Reigns having the most shocking elimination of the night by eliminating his tag team partners in The Shield. I'm pretty good at picking the Royal Rumble... just not the winner.
WHAT I HATED:
- I know they have to vamp for time, but those mini-promos before the match were ridiculous. Just get to the match already. Everybody already knows that either Batista or CM Punk will win. Just get to it already.
- Corporate Kane!? As JBL likes to call him. That was the first surprise of the night. I didn't expect to see him, but I am damn glad he's in the match. The Royal Rumble needs it's elimination king... and no quicker than I write that is he eliminated. That was a waste of a entrant.
- It's time for Kofi Kingston's patented amazing re-entry.
- Roman Reigns at #15 and all three members of The Shield are in the ring. It's time for the ring to clear out. Kingston, Ziggler, Nash, Khali, Cody & Goldust all within a span of three minutes. And most of the eliminations attributed to Roman Reigns. Sigh.
- El Torito... SMH. Comedy gold. Or something like that. My pick for the most comical elimination was Fandango by default. I'll still take the win.
- As much as I LOVE JBL, and I really do, I HATE that he's in the Royal Rumble. I hate it when the announcers join the Royal Rumble. Thankfully, it didn't last long. Go back to doing what you're
- Alberto Del Rio at lucky #27. Not so lucky for him as he's the target of Batista, but it's a nice redirection attempt that no one will be fooled by. He may make it 'til the end. Maybe not. Yep, it's Batista right after him. Del Rio's time is numbered.
- I should just be happy Batista didn't come out as #30, but I HATE it when the threats to win, the so-called 'main-eventers' get a late entry into the Royal Rumble. If you're a main-eventer, you should have to do the majority of the work in the match. Not reap the benefits from everyone else's work.
- And #30 is... Rey Mysterio. I'm happy that it wasn't John Cena, but a little miffed (along with the Pittsburgh crowd) that it wasn't Daniel Bryan. I knew he wouldn't compete after his earlier match, but I was holding out a little sliver of hope.
- Welp, there goes my pick. Corporate Kane eliminated CM Punk. This is another glaring problem WWE needs to fix. It should be a rule that someone previously eliminated or not involved cannot eliminate an active competitor in the match. It's used every year as a device to create or further a rivalry and has me shaking my head every year as well.
- Somebody probably should've told Sheamus not to telegraph his signature move in the Royal Rumble when you're one of the last remaining superstars. It never ends well.
- Roman Reigns breaks Kane's record of 11 eliminations by eliminating 12 superstars. Apparently, this is supposed to be a BIG deal. Kane's 11 eliminations were impressive, but you know what didn't happen? Kane didn't win. Kane never won the Royal Rumble. This is just WWE trying to make Reigns seem strong and give him a consolation prize.
- The last two in the match are Batista and Roman Reigns. I'm not thrilled to see either man win the match. Neither are necessarily my favorites. I did predict that they'd both make it to the final four. I guess I can take solace in that.
REACTION:
In the end, it's Batista who wins the Royal Rumble. The previously defunct Batista. The former pro-wrestler. The action star. The Hollywood hero. I should have known. My picks of Daniel Bryan and CM Punk were wishful thinking. When push comes to shove, WWE is going to do what they feel is best for business. And that does not include pushing their workhorse superstars over the ones who will get them the most publicity. I understood that going in, but allowed myself to be deluded into thinking, "Just this once..." But congrats to Batista. He's going to get the Dwayne Johnson treatment all the way to Wrestlemania, and probably afterwards too as WWE World Champion just because his name appears on a big-budget, blockbuster movie. Yes, I'm a little bitter, but I did clap for the man instead of booing him afterwards. At least show some respect and cheer for the babyface winner, even if you don't agree.
QUOTE OF THE NIGHT:
"I'm not going to tell you my number. How do you know I don't have two numbers? Maybe I got all the numbers." - Dean Ambrose
Something about that statement made me chuckle. It's such a douchebag thing to say. That's why it's so perfect coming out of Ambrose's mouth. Yes, he's a douchebag. But he's one of my favorite douchebags in the business.
MATCH OF THE NIGHT/BEST IN SHOW:
Come on, how can there be any other match for Match of the Night? Daniel Bryan vs Bray Wyatt stole the whole f'n show. Stole it and never gave it back. And I'm going to give Bray Wyatt the Best in Show award over Daniel Bryan. This was his breakout PPV and he broke through successfully. This way to the main-event, Mister Wyatt.
OVERALL REACTION:
WWE just couldn't help themselves. I know how the fans in Pittsburgh feel. I was rooting for Daniel Bryan and CM Punk, too. You know, the superstars who have worked their asses off in the past year and actually deserve to main-event Wrestlemania? Not the guy who has the Hollywood spotlight on him. It used to be that the guy who separates himself from the pack gets pushed in this business. Now, Vince has an agenda and no matter how over you are, no matter how popular you are, no matter how much the fans cheer for you, it's still going to be the BIG MAN with the BIG buzz that wins in the end. I sound like an annoying smark and I'm proud to sound like that at this moment. Instead of giving their own paying fans who are watching their product what they want, WWE is too busy trying to appease the fans who might (might!) be watching because they recognized Batista from that movie. It's not a good gameplan, in my opinion. There used to be two types of fans: smarks and marks. But now, there's a third type of fan that WWE is trying like hell to appeal to: the undecideds. The people who don't really pay attention or even like the company and just peek in when pop culture leans to WWE's side. It's the exact same thing that pisses me off about politics. The undecideds control the candidates because they covet their numbers, instead of working for their solidified base. Just like a politician, Vince McMahon is a businessman. He's more interested in growing the company rather than keeping the fans they already have. Maybe it's because he knows that no matter how much we bitch and complain, we won't leave. He's right. So, the only person I can blame for why this keeps happening is myself.
Thankfully, Daniel Bryan vs Bray Wyatt happened or else I would have been extremely disappointed with this PPV altogether. Everything else was just done wrong. Cody Rhodes & Goldust needed to lose the Tag Team Titles, but not to the New Age Outlaws. The Real Americans are the best heel tag team WWE has right now. They should've been in line to win before Road Dogg & Billy Gunn. Ditto for Rybaxel or The Wyatt Family. Or even other babyface teams like the PrimeTime Players or The Usos. Then Brock Lesnar vs Big Show was the dud I thought it'd be. Big Show needs to retire. Brock is better than that and he'll make up for it in his next match. He can only do so much. And the WWE World Championship was probably the most forgettable match of the whole night. No one cared about the match and was just ready to see the Royal Rumble. If this is what WWE wants from their main-event, then maybe they need to put their stock in Hollywood attractions like The Rock & Batista. That was awful. None of the matches Daniel Bryan wrestled in for the WWE Championship was that bad. I think someone owes somebody an apology.
The Road to Wrestlemania kicked off tonight not with a bang, but with a stumble. They still have time to pull it together, but I reckon the powers that be might want to steer clear of the internet tonight. I can't imagine anyone is giving this PPV as a whole passing grades. Now, I'm off to watch Daniel Bryan vs Bray Wyatt again.
Saw this in comments on a wrestling blog.
ReplyDeleteThe WORST Royal Rumble EVER! I'm really pissed off..I think the creation team of WWE is made from retarded monkeys!
Ah, sums up my feelings.